My sister Deanne died when she was 25, April 15, 1984. Her friend Lisa was 23, both killed in a head on collision with a drunk driver. Deanne was born on Washington’s birthday, February 22, 1959.
February 22, 2026-Can you be 67 if you died when you were 25? What would you look like, would you have dyed your hair so that it stayed black or maybe you would have totally changed your hair color? What about your unborn children, how many would you have had? What would your home have looked like and what kind of work would you have done? Would you have been married or divorced; would you have had many loves? Where else would you have traveled to? Would you have lived near our parents and taken care of them in their older years? What would have happened in the ensuing 42 years?
I stare at your pictures on the entry way wall of my father’s home. I see you all of the time as I walk through the house. I notice you there at 9, 18, 22, 25 although I’m not really sure of your age. I think about the last time that we talked or saw one another, it must have been in March or April 1984, it’s difficult to remember. What I do remember is cleaning out your apartment but you weren’t there. I’ve been trying to hear your voice. I think that I can still can but maybe not. It must be somewhere in my memory.
Another year has gone by, another birthday missed, a life taken too soon. I’ve grown older but you’ve stayed 25 no matter how many February 22nds have gone by over the past 42 years. A friend told me today that her mother-in-law died at 45. The friend said that this was way too young, then what is death at 25?
Yes, I know that young people die every day due to disease, lack of medical care, wars, accidents. None of it makes sense. We’re all supposed to live to old age, like our dad at 97.
I can tell you happy birthday and I hope that you have many more, but there is no voice to say thank you, there is no hug from you, your children, your husband. One can believe that you somehow are still with me, and I guess on some level you are. The memory of your life is with me but the physical you hasn’t been here for a long time.
You know your nephew Daniel was named after you I think in the hopes of keeping your memory alive? I wonder about the kind of aunt you would have been to both Daniel and Sarah. I’m sure that they would have loved you and would have celebrated your birthday. But then again if we had the power to change one thing then other things most likely would be different.
I think the best that I can do is continue to think about you, your birthday, and keeping whatever memories I have in a safe place. Happy 67th birthday!
