Apprehension of what may have happened!

I’m not sure if everyone feels the same way, there are certain incidents that take place and make you imagine the worst that could have happened! I’m not scared to die myself however when I think of losing those around me whom I love, makes me shiver.

There is nothing that can  be done to make anyone mortality proof (though some religious practices may claim to do so). No matter how positively you look at life, life does end, sometimes naturally and other times not so naturally.

Seeing a life end is indeed painful. It gives a gut wrenching pain even at the thought of losing someone we are close to. There have been many such incidents which make me so restless at  the mere thought of what may have happened.

One such incident happened somewhere in 2010-2011, my father wasn’t keeping well. He is not someone who falls sick often, so that in itself was a very saddening experience. He was under medication for quite a long period. My parents tend to keep their miseries like a little secret of theirs. As shared by my mother very recently. It all started with a wrong dosage of medicine. He had taken only two doses of the course of medicines prescribed by the doctor. My father mostly gets up from sleep to go to toilet or to drink water at night. It was one these usual nights, he went to the toilet and didn’t come back to bed for a longer period of time. My mother is a light sleeper. After sometime passed she wondered about what went wrong! In her curiosity to check on him she got up to find him laying on the floor in front the bathroom.  It was around 2.00 a.m. She rushed to call some acquaintances in the city.  Early morning next day doctor was called and he declared it was due to some medical reaction of medicines he took. Today when I sit to imagine the whole incident, it makes me shiver. It does make me think even though for a fraction of seconds of the worst that could have happened.

Similarly another incident that shook me to my core was the incident much read about and covered by media, the blast in INS Sindhurakshak at the Indian Naval Dockyard. My brother happens to be in the Indian Navy and a submariner. August 14, 2013 was like any other morning for me. I was not working then, so I had all the time to myself, to read, watch television, surf the internet. In short I was in no hurry for anything. I got up to find a sms saying “Hope things are fine with your bro and his wife.” My brain went blank  as I didn’t even know the context. I looked up google news, and there it was, blast at mid-night in INS Sindhurakshak. I was numb. I tried very hard to recall which submarine my brother commands, was he on duty last night etc. He like any other officer working with the military services doesn’t discuss much of his official whereabouts. However I did recall him saying he would be transferred to another vessel soon. And yes the name sounded like Sindhurakshak. Yes, my mind was filled with the worst of what could have happened. I didn’t have the guts to pick my phone and call my sister-in-law. To add to the misery my parents too were visiting them at the time. I just couldn’t call; I was too scared to face what may be on the other side of the phone, my parents, and my sis-in-law cum friend. While leaving for office my husband said no need to worry, it was just a blast. He couldn’t even understand the amount of despair I was in at the moment.  Somehow I dialled my sis-in-law’s number and to end my misery her first sentence was “Naveen is fine, don’t worry. He is on the site since 4 am, I don’t know when he will be back, but he is fine.”

After that conversation I switched on the T.V., kept following news online and as the story of the horrific incident uncovered, all I could think of is that it shouldn’t have happened to anyone, being trapped in a vessel with the exit lid jammed. No one deserves this kind of death. My brother never expresses his emotions maybe because that is how his job has made him or it’s his nature however I clearly remember my sis-in-law telling me in the other telephonic conversation we had later that day; when the phone rang at 3.30 am to inform him about what happened. “Nidhi, he woke me up and started crying and said I lost my friend,” said my sister-in-law.

 I’m crying as I writing this article. From that day onwards I look at my brother with a different lens. There is nothing he can do that will ever disappoint me. And yes he was supposed to get transferred to the ill-fated vessel however he had postponed his joining to later part of the month.

Such incidents are a jolt to make one realise the value of people in their lives. The realisation while your own life may be going on smoothly with a few hick-ups here and there, someone else’s may have changed drastically. The fact that a drastic change in one person’s life also affects lives of those related to them.  Life is not like a report or a book that you will know while reading the concluding chapter that it will end very soon, it’s uncertain. The best way to deal with life is to live each moment to the fullest, share your happiness with those who matter and spread happiness. 

Sadly while I was busy writing this article, another accident in INS Sindhuratna took place. This time it is the vessel my brother is posted on. I thank god for keeping him safe. I'm deeply saddened for those who lost their lives. My condolences to their families.